I’m sure everyone has heard horror stories of family vacations gone awry, and it isn’t hard to find movies that document or exaggerate those horrors. Think Deliverance, or National Lampoon’s Vacation. Mishaps, misunderstandings, surprises, unanticipated obstacles or unpredictable events can all derail the most carefully laid plans and the most compatible of family members. But I’m here to tell you that the derailment is not inevitable, nor do those little blips in the trip have to destroy the experience. The key is to be open to the need to adapt to the reality on the ground when it doesn’t match up perfectly with the imagined perfection when the plans were originally made.
I’ve concluded that successful vacations with family happen not by accident, but because of several factors relevant to The Kindness Continuum. First, and perhaps foremost, the underlying love and respect has to be there. When it is unconditional, the love can transcend almost anything, and serves as the important recovery mechanism during the more stressful times.
Second is the ability to “let go” and not hold a grudge when things don’t go according to your preference.
Talking through the disagreements and acknowledging the pain or hurt that can result makes it possible to move beyond the more difficult conversations and emotions and move forward together again. Hanging on to family baggage or letting petty annoyances interfere with the underlying solid relationships have no place in our lives generally, but especially when spending day after day in close quarters and virtually on top of each other.
Third is the recognition and unconditional acceptance that everything is a negotiation and nothing is set in stone (with a few exceptions, like flight schedules, or prearranged appointments, for example). When everyone is flexible all things are possible. 
No one’s personal agenda is more important than anyone else’s, unless it involves a responsibility to someone else outside the traveling family unit. Inevitably, the carefully planned itinerary doesn’t align perfectly with actual circumstances and unfolding events, and it becomes necessary to move things around here and there. Keeping an open mind about where to go and what to do (and when), and not being too invested in any one thing, makes it possible to seize the new opportunities when they present themselves.
Finally, it is critical that each person has the back of everyone else. In other words, we all want a fun and fulfilling vacation for ourselves, but we have to want that for everyone else on the trip as well. This primary goal of sharing both the burdens and the benefits of the experience and each of us making sure that all of us are having an amazing time makes it easy to compromise when the time comes to make decisions.
Keeping kindness at the forefront of everything we do together has been sort of an unwritten, unexpressed value that has defined all of our encounters on this trip. We are all mindful of each other’s feelings, and take care to be sensitive to each others’ preferences when discussing decisions. This has made it much easier to get through the stressful moments, of which I have to say there have been very few (at least from my perspective – I can only speak for myself!). The trip has been very low key in that respect, and conversations and decision-making has been pretty seamless. Again, the willingness to be flexible on all sides has been key, as well as patience, respect and honoring everyone’s point of view. The ability to forgive and forget when tempers do flare is an important counterpart to kindness.
Ages of my fellow travelers range from 15 to 88, and the relationships range from parent/child to brother/sister to aunt/nephew to grandparent/grandchild to sisters in law and husband/wife. We all must be able to accommodate where each of us is in life, and I believe we’ve done a pretty good job of that.
We are also staying as guests in another family’s home, so there is an additional dimension of kindness and accommodation that is required when you are sharing living quarters with your hosts. Learning how to be a gracious guest becomes very important. We learned the first day to take our shoes off when entering the house, for example. 
The generosity of our hosts in Reghin cannot be overstated. They opened their home to us and have taken great pains to ensure that we are all comfortable and experience the best of what Romania has to offer. We have really enjoyed the meals, which have included very traditional dishes, all homemade. Some of us were strangers when we met, but were treated as family right from the start.
I leave this particular installment feeling grateful for the kindnesses I am experiencing during this portion of my trip. As we move around Romania, I am also forming impressions of the country and its culture, and will use the next installment to reflect a bit on what I am learning. This country is very different from the previous two I just visited, and raises different questions and observations about culture, history, ethnic tensions and entering the modern age. Stay tuned!