The Power of a New Year

It’s a month into 2019. My birthday falls at the end of January in the dead of winter. Here in Michigan it is predicted that the high temperature for that day will be -5, the coldest of the year so far. More snow and frigid temperatures are predicted, and schools and government offices are closing down for the next couple of days.

As I sit looking out my window watching the birds flutter around my feeders and the squirrels scavenging for fallen seeds, I can’t help but think about where I was a year ago. Last year on my birthday Jay couldn’t get out of bed. Although we didn’t know it at the time, he would be gone in less than two weeks. Our attempt at a birthday celebration fell pretty flat, although we did our best and Conrad’s flaming Baked Alaska was memorable. But the cloud of Jay’s persistent and all-too-obvious slide away from the tangible world hung over us as we tried to put an upbeat face on the day.

Fast forward a year, and I find myself contemplating the promise that a new year inevitably brings to our lives. Why is that? What is it about this arcane way of tracking the relentless march of time that we place such significance on moving from one year to the next, one decade to the next, one century to the next, and so on. Something about new beginnings undoubtedly captures our collective imaginations.

For many of us the start of a new year serves as a metaphor for our lives. Somehow, by the time the holidays are over, we feel ready to tackle new challenges and take charge of our futures in new ways. This is where kindness comes in, because when we make New Year’s resolutions, we are doing ourselves an important kindness. We are giving ourselves permission to start over, to set new goals and aspirations that will bring us success and happiness. According to an article published in Inc.com, the top New Year’s resolutions are very personal and most often about self-improvement: losing weight, sticking with an exercise routine, saving money, getting a new job, quitting smoking, etc.

While up to a third of us don’t formally make any New Year’s resolution, I can imagine that many of those people (myself included) nevertheless quietly make promises to themselves about the coming year. I definitely fell into the trap this year (or should I say abyss?) of thinking that a new year means new personal opportunity and new resolve. Jay used to laugh at me every time I turned over a new leaf, and he was right. I’d live in a virtual forest if all the new leaves I’ve turned over in the last 40 years took root and became a permanent part of me.

So I’m not going to publicly announce any resolutions, which only sets me up for the inevitable failure down the road. On the other hand, what’s wrong with a little aspiration and inspiration as I try to make positive strides in my life without Jay? People who have suffered severe losses have good reason to take advantage of artificial opportunities to fill the empty pockets in their lives with new plans for finding fulfillment, enjoyment, new friends and new routines. Pursuing these opportunities helps us forge the life course that keeps us on a positive path rather than a negative slide.

This year I’m unusually ambitious about turning the darkness of winter into the brightness of personal possibility. No one knows better than I that putting some money down to back up my hopes and dreams forces me to commit more than just good intentions. So here is how I will be spending chunks of my free time (and some dollars) in the next several months:

• Banjo lessons. I’m particularly excited about this one since I have always loved bluegrass music and bought my banjo at my son’s urging some 12 years ago. “They” say that learning a new musical instrument is good for the brain, especially aging ones. I tried teaching myself and actually made some progress on my own when I first got it, enthusiasm for the instrument being the early driving force. But then life took over and my motivation dwindled further when after a few years of not touching it I discovered that I had pretty much forgotten everything I thought I had learned. Clearly I need a fresh start. I like my teacher and have high hopes that he will help me overcome my own pitiful personal will power.
• Weekly yoga. I’m signed up and paid for 7 weeks so now I must follow through, right? I’ve actually been wanting to learn yoga for years, but apparently not enough to make room for it in my schedule. Until now. Since I am very much a beginner I had to find a class that has fairly low expectations for someone in her 60’s doing it for the first time. We’ll see how it goes, but I’m feeling pretty motivated at the moment (and sore after lesson one…).
• Finally, I signed up for obedience classes for my new pup, who is now 8 months old and as adorable as ever. Sadie is showing an early aptitude for agility training (obstacle courses, tunnels, balancing, etc) but she needs to do basic training first so that starts in March for 6 weeks. If I am right about her agility potential, this could open up a whole new world of friends and activities I can pursue in my spare time. Agility competitions don’t require purebred pedigrees, just enthusiastic and talented dogs, and I think I may have one of those. To be continued…

I also have my full time workload, of course, and am still in the process of figuring out what my professional goals are for myself at this point in my life. My friends are as important as ever, and I am determined to strengthen social connections and also build new ones as opportunities arise. As I do so, I want to make sure I pay attention to maintaining the proper balance for myself between work responsibilities and life satisfaction. They aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, but I know I need to enhance the professional work I do with diversions that bring me joy in a more personal and intimate way.

As I pursue my various personal goals, I hope to become more mindful of external aspects of my life. I wish I had the mental energy now to promise myself that I will be more engaged with the world around me in a way that promotes kindness on a larger scale, leveraging it as a solution to societal problems. I don’t know what that will eventually look like and I hope I get there, but for now I need to focus my energies inwardly and get my personal house in order before I can focus outwardly and work on world peace.

Building new friendships, having an active social life, and pursuing opportunities for learning new skills and new ideas will hopefully keep me healthy and on the path to positive living. Of course, Jay is always present in me, whether in the foreground or in the background, and that’s as it should be. That said, in this new year of 2019, I plan to make continued progress toward being a whole person, living within his absence in a way that also pushes me toward contented resilience.

As you move into the new year, be kind to yourself whether you make resolutions or not. And if you aren’t able to live up to your goals for the year, be even kinder and more forgiving. Remember that moving from one year into the next is an artificial and arbitrary boundary that means absolutely nothing in the great scheme of our lives. Give yourself permission to focus on the small successes, small joys, whatever they are and whenever they occur. These can form the basis of a satisfied life lived on your own terms, and let’s not forget that when all is said and done we are accountable to no one here on earth but ourselves.

Happy New Year to all of my readers.