Forging into Uncharted Waters

A few short days from now I will be on another continent, in a physical environment and climate very different from my own, immersed in a culture I know very little about, surrounded by a language I don’t know.  Racially, ethnically, I will be in the extreme minority. Some people have expressed envy and excitement at my upcoming adventure. Others have looked at me with wonder in their eyes and praise me for my courage, telling me I am “brave” or “bold” to be embarking on such a journey. “Are you travelling alone?” they ask. “Yes,” I answer, and they just shake their heads in disbelief.

I am headed to Tanzania, in East Africa, for three weeks. Once there, I will be volunteering on a law and human rights project in the city of Arusha, arranged for me through the organization Projects Abroad.  I chose Tanzania and this project because I have a particular interest in women’s and children’s rights and the short description of the project I would be joining sounded made to order for someone like me.  That’s about all I can say at this point because the description of what I will be doing, while fascinating, was pretty vague on the details. I confess that the vagueness is part of the excitement – I have no preconceived notions about what I will be doing so I’m open to anything!

Preparing for the Unknown

Because I don’t want to be perceived as an “Ugly American” I have been trying to learn what I can about the country before I go.  Learning any meaningful amount of Swahili before the trip has proved a challenge (a sign of my aging brain…?), but I hope to make up for it by taking Swahili lessons during my stay. Given the controversial President we currently have, I don’t know how I will be perceived by most Tanzanians, and confess to being a little apprehensive. Should I proudly wear my kinda cute USA cap that I got free from Old Navy last week? Will that help me or hurt me as I make my way around Arusha? If I give it away, will it be accepted as something to be treasured or something to be trashed? I just don’t know. But I’m bringing it along in the hopes the answer will present itself while there.

I’ll be living with a family during my three weeks, which will give me a much richer experience in the country than if I were staying only in hotels.  At least one person in the household will speak English (so they tell me), but I hope to practice my Swahili as much as possible, especially with the six year old boy who lives there (I’m thinking he might be more my speed as a teacher than any of the adults). I’ve never been very good with names, so I’m hoping that I can commit their names to memory before meeting them. Sadly for me, it is a well known phenomenon that when someone is grieving the loss of a person close to them, short term memory can be negatively affected.  After losing my husband to brain cancer just a few short months ago, I am definitely not feeling mentally on top of things the way I used to be. Learning Swahili and names of the people I will be staying and working with could prove more difficult than would normally be the case.

So there are definitely things I am mildly concerned or anxious about, but overall I’m just excited and glad to be going away, far away from my home base, family, friends, job, responsibilities, everything! I’m in pretty good health, have rarely shied away from the “unknown” and tend to assume the best in people when it comes to asking for help and making new friends. Since I will be traveling under the auspices of Projects Abroad, I will be well supported should anything unexpectedly negative happen (like getting sick, for example – perish the thought!!).

Giving Life A Booster Shot

After my husband’s death, I realized right away that I was going to need some significant space to myself before I could return and be fully present to my former “routine” (nothing really feels routine to me anymore, but maybe someday…). I am extremely fortunate that I could afford both the time and cost of creating that space, and I’m very aware that not many people have the same opportunity to abandon their everyday life for a few weeks. I certainly do not want to squander what I consider to be a privilege and honor.

This African adventure is my much-needed opportunity for renewal. By adding a volunteer component to this period of personal reflection, I hope to enhance the purpose and meaning of the experience. I’m not sure exactly why, but this was an important goal when I was considering where to go and what to do. For some reason, I needed to get myself far away from everything for a period of time, but I also had something pulling me to do so in a way that would provide a focus outside of myself during the same period that I would be focusing on my inner self.

My journey and experience could be interpreted as an extension and outward expression of my mourning, a way of “living my grief” as someone else recently put it. By taking this time out, I am able to live my core values through the volunteer project, while at the same time figure out who I am as a person now that I no longer have my partner of 37 years.

In August I resume my life as a faculty member and social worker (after a one year leave of absence during Jay’s illness), and my plan is to dive back in with enthusiasm and gusto. Not sure I’ll actually be able to pull off the enthusiasm and gusto part yet, but I am hoping to feel renewed and refreshed enough to take on my responsibilities with care and confidence. I hope to incorporate new inspiration and purpose into my daily life when I get home, but in any case, after “getting away from it all” for a time, I think I will be ready to move forward in a healthy way when I get back. At least that’s the plan…

Kindness as an Expectation

It occurs to me that in order to achieve all these lofty goals for myself and for my portion of the volunteer project, I will be relying heavily on the kindnesses of many people whom I have not yet met or may never meet.  It is a little mind boggling to think of how the world is going to have to open itself to my needs as I figure out how to navigate myself through strange airports, strange countries, strange languages, strange foods, strange customs, strange money and strange everything else.

Yet of all the concerns about this trip that may be rolling around in my head, I have the least concern about the people I will be meeting, or the strangers with whom I will be crossing paths in so many large and small ways. I will in no way be taking this trip alone; there will be many people (seen and unseen) by my side, watching my back, the entire time.  Of course, as a foreign guest in an unfamiliar country, I will certainly be mindful of the cautions and advice communicated by those more in the know than I (travel advisories, medical advisories, etc), but overall I have every expectation that I will be embraced with kindness by the people I meet.

Why so confident? Naiveté, perhaps, or outright denial of the risks inherent in taking such a trip (“it could never happen to me!”), utter faith in the core goodness of the vast majority of people in the world, or maybe just a simple analysis that any risk is outweighed by the benefit I will receive. Regardless of the reason, I recognize emphatically that there are many, many people who will be helping me have a successful experience. As I get ready to launch on this adventure, I stop for a moment every now and then to contemplate the enormity of the task that others are undertaking to ensure that my trip is meaningful, productive, and enjoyable.

The kindnesses actually begin before I even leave for the trip. The friends and relatives who will be watching the house, feeding the cat, taking in the mail, for example. Or the kennel owner who bumped the dog to the top of the waiting list when both plan A and plan B fell through. Or the vet who squeezed the dog into their busy day to make sure she got the shots she needed to go to the kennel.  I admit I was a walking basket case during the few days when I didn’t have a plan for how sweet Sophie would be cared for in my absence. But all my fears resolved themselves as one by one, different people stepped forward to let me know they were there for me in the pinch.

Kindness is a two way street, of course, and I will need to be open to everyone I encounter, embracing every opportunity to learn and grow from those I meet and observe along the way. Of course, I am there not only for my exclusive personal benefit, but also to contribute something of value to the project and those who have allowed me to join them in their important work. I need to be able to offer my expertise and assistance without any presumption that I know more than my hosts about what they need or want from me. (As a person who has an opinion on most everything, I’m hoping I’m up to this particular challenge…)

This blog will serve as a journal of sorts during my trip, but I hope to not only relate my personal experiences and the various innumerable kindnesses, but also to connect those experiences to the broader relevance of our everyday lives as well as the larger expanse of the human condition.

Please join me as I navigate these unfamiliar waters – let’s meet my hosts together, and open ourselves to learning what we can from those in the world who live their lives and manage joys and hardships both similar and different from our own. As people from the US, we tend to think that the United States is the end all and be all to our existence on this planet. For example, we often use the term “American” to describe ourselves (i.e. U.S. citizens), which is really the height of hubris and rather insulting to the other Americans on the two continents named for Amerigo Vespucci. We need other frames of reference if we truly want to be citizens of the world.

You can help by participating with me as I go through the next several weeks.  Feel free to subscribe to and share this blog so that we can spread our learning far and wide! And please comment along the way. Actual conversations – in writing or otherwise – are often the best way to explore new ideas and ways of thinking.